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BecomingMe

Lurker for Years, Joiner at Last

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On 7/8/2018 at 5:53 PM, waysider said:

I would like to point out, for new arrivals, that being a Christian is not a requirement of this site. People from a wide variety of belief systems and those with no belief system at all are equally welcome here.

 

This public service announcement has been brought to you by the makers of.......

A message that has been said more than once and will likely be necessary again sometime.

For the record, I have a belief system, but I don't need to label it... other than Deist. I still tell people IRL that I'm Christian, but I'm not really dogmatic in that regard. I do, however, zealously cleave to knowledge and understanding I have gained, especially as a result of experience (i.e. school of VERY hard knocks in some instances) and an attitude and desire for lifelong learning.

I mention this now because a new member mentioned sometimes believing she's atheist and at other times agnostic. As far as I'm concerned, that's perfectly fine. 

Also, some people may wonder about why us old-timers still frequent GSC. Well, unless we were born in a twi family, we were drawn to twi in large part because it gave us a sense of belonging... for whatever reason. Well, setting aside how much I think I know about anything, I enjoy drawing insights into group behaviors (aka psychoanalyzing the groups). And that has opened doors for me other than regarding twi. That's basically how and why I started getting published in local newspaper editorial pages more than 25 years ago. Not that my insights are always "the" right ones, but that they have at least some legitimacy.

Anyway, I got sidetracked (tangents, eh?). My main point in the previous paragraph is that I feel a strong sense of belonging to and with people at GSC.

To Leah, I would say now that I think there's probably a great deal that you have going on that you don't struggle with. But I'm glad you are able to recognize the opportunity and need for working on or dealing with those things about which you do struggle now.

I can only imagine the intensity of the psychic damage from having grown up in the situation you did. Many of us know how intense your father is or at least was.

In addition to what I said last night, I want to emphasize the deep admiration I have for YOU and the course you have been choosing and are now on. I hope you're able to make music out of the rocks in the creek over which the water of your life is now passing.    And can dance (now or eventually) to that music.  :dance:
 

Edited by Rocky
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6 minutes ago, Rocky said:

A message that has been said more than once and will likely be necessary again sometime.

For the record, I have a belief system, but I don't need to label it... other than Deist. I still tell people IRL that I'm Christian, but I'm not really dogmatic in that regard. I do, however, zealously cleave to knowledge and understanding I have gained, especially as a result of experience (i.e. school of VERY hard knocks in some instances) and an attitude and desire for lifelong learning.

I mention this now because a new member mentioned sometimes believing she's atheist and at other times agnostic. As far as I'm concerned, that's perfectly fine. 

Also, some people may wonder about why us old-timers still frequent GSC. Well, unless we were born in a twi family, we were drawn to twi in large part because it gave us a sense of belonging... for whatever reason. Well, setting aside how much I think I know about anything, I enjoy drawing insights into group behaviors (aka psychoanalyzing the groups). And that has opened doors for me other than regarding twi. That's basically how and why I started getting published in local newspaper editorial pages more than 25 years ago. Not that my insights are always "the" right ones, but that they have at least some legitimacy.

To Leah, I would say now that I think there's probably a great deal that you have going on that you don't struggle with. But I'm glad you are able to recognize the opportunity and need for working on or dealing with those things about which you do struggle now.

I can only imagine the intensity of the psychic damage from having grown up in the situation you did. Many of us know how intense your father is or at least was.

In addition to what I said last night, I want to emphasize the deep admiration I have for the course you have been choosing and are now on. I hope you're able to make music out of the rocks in the creek over which the water of your life is now passing.    And can dance (now or eventually) to that music.  :dance:
 

Rocky, :eusa_clap:

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On ‎3‎/‎28‎/‎2019 at 9:21 PM, BecomingMe said:

My name is Leah - I’m LCM’s oldest child. I don’t know what to do next...I feel like I need to speak, but I don’t know what to say. I’m just so tired of hurting.

......

Hi Leah..........welcome to the Café.

For those of you who grew up at hq and had parents in leadership positions, I can only imagine the hardships, scrutiny, challenges and fear that were embedded into your psyche at such a young age.  As you distinguished astutely in an earlier post.....it sounds like you are well on your way to separating your "cult self" from your "authentic self."

And further, you have now established proper boundary lines with your family and loved ones by openly and publically stating what is acceptable, and not acceptable, to you.  Good for you!  Keep claiming what is rightfully YOURS.......an "authentic self."  Individual sovereignty........to think, explore, believe, live, challenge, and commit to the passions that burn within your soul. 

My wife and I exited twi nearly 21 years ago after, what I would term, six turbulent years as leadership in Oklahoma.  Suffice it to say that I spent time with your parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, and some of your first cousins.  Look how their lives have changed in the past 20-something years!  Commitments changed.  Perspectives altered.  None of what they were, or weren't, committed to should hold sway to YOUR goals, passions or self-esteem.

You have every right and reason to pursue this journey of self-exploration.  And, from the sounds of things.....you've read some good books and, for years, have read threads here at GSC.  Good for you.  Go at the pace that fits your schedule.  Most all of us have a past of *burdens, hurts and fears* that we are working thru or have overcome........hell, I went thru 10-days of deprogramming to fight my way back to my fiancé and then, dealt with years of being estranged from my parents/family.  So, yeah......I can relate to the challenges one faces of self-authenticity and autonomy.

Live on the sunrise side of the mountain......and greet the days that are before you.

You are a brave woman and I commend you for it. 

 

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Leah - welcome (again).  You are brave to announce yourself here.  Nobody holds anything against you or your siblings; you've all always been strictly off limits. 

In some respects you are "nobody special" here - we all escaped with greater or lesser damage.  In other respects, you are "very special," because you really have been in the heart of the madness, and thus probably have much more to overcome.  I hope there are some good times that you can recall with your Mom and Dad - though I don't doubt that there were hard times too.  I recall your dad used to love to display your flute-playing ability at concerts and events.  Do you and your children see either of your parents?

Penworks can help you a lot, and can point you to a lot of material that might be balm to your soul (and your husband's).  The book "The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse" was like lifting the lid of TWI for me - I was in residence early 90s right after the "fog years," when things were tightening up - and I think things got worse after that.  I thought the authors might have been TWI-escapees, but there isn't any connection at all.

Learn to like yourself.  To love yourself.  Welcome to becoming YOU!

 

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I'm going to add a few cents of my own.

Leah, you said earlier (at least I think it was you) that you were agnostic, except when you are angry. Then you're atheist.

I'm going to suggest to you that you are neither. I speak as an atheist.

If you are angry at God, then you believe in Him. And that's okay. You have questions. You are not satisfied with the answers you have received. You are entitled to those emotions.

But atheism is not an angry position. It's letting go of anger. You can only be angry at God if you believe in Him.

I am not angry at God. I am disappointed in certain people (not all) who claim to speak in his name. People who hate and concoct a God who magically hates the same people they do. You know the type. (That was funny). 

I guess what I am saying is, don;t lose faith out of anger. There are plenty of reasons to be atheist. Anger is not one of them. 

If you decide, out of calm reflection, that you do not believe in God, and you have questions about what to do next, talk to me. I've been through it. But if you are angry with Him, then atheism is not going to help you.

Plenty of people here will be happy to help out, and you have people in real life.

Best wishes.

 

And by the way, I have no bad memories of your dad. The worst I've heard of him comes from credible witnesses. And I was not impressed with his performance at the 1989 Rock. But I was still grateful, many times, for when he tried to teach positive messages from the Bible. Helped me through some pretty tough times. Not trying to defend him, but wanted you to know that along with all you've heard from GSC, our collective impression of him is just a bit more nuanced than that.

 

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Hello again Leah.

Good to hear from you.

I strongly recommend a well-made potato cannon.

 

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And please tell your brother someone "on the internet" said "mea culpa"

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On ‎3‎/‎28‎/‎2019 at 6:21 PM, BecomingMe said:

Hey, all. It’s been awhile since I’ve stepped into the diner. I’m outing myself today because it’s too painful to keep my silence anymore, and I’m struggling right now.

My name is Leah - I’m LCM’s oldest child. I don’t know what to do next...I feel like I need to speak, but I don’t know what to say. I’m just so tired of hurting.

Penworthy, it’s lovely to “see” you here. I so appreciate your compassion...

I remember you as a toddler.  I have a distinct memory of your mom going into Kenyon Hall for something and I was there for some reason and with her was this adorable little blonde munchkin. 

 

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On 3/28/2019 at 9:21 PM, BecomingMe said:

Hey, all. It’s been awhile since I’ve stepped into the diner. I’m outing myself today because it’s too painful to keep my silence anymore, and I’m struggling right now.

My name is Leah - I’m LCM’s oldest child. I don’t know what to do next...I feel like I need to speak, but I don’t know what to say. I’m just so tired of hurting.

Penworthy, it’s lovely to “see” you here. I so appreciate your compassion...

Hey Leah,

I was friends with your sister growing up, and we may have met once or twice. As evidenced by my username, I grew up in TWI too and my husband’s parents are still Way Corps. We left TWI recently, and though your experience growing up at TWI’s HQ and enduring the devastating things that your family went through are much more intense than anything I was subjected to, I understand the position of being an adult with a family and working through all of the pain, hatred and identity issues that accompany leaving The Way. If you need to talk, I can add you on Facebook ❤️

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3 minutes ago, WayKid2019 said:

Hey Leah,

I was friends with your sister growing up, and we may have met once or twice. As evidenced by my username, I grew up in TWI too and my husband’s parents are still Way Corps. We left TWI recently, and though your experience growing up at TWI’s HQ and enduring the devastating things that your family went through are much more intense than anything I was subjected to, I understand the position of being an adult with a family and working through all of the pain, hatred and identity issues that accompany leaving The Way. If you need to talk, I can add you on Facebook ❤️

Dear Kid; wow!!  Great post!!  :love3:

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This thread is rapidly becoming one of my favorite! Wonderfully heartfelt, HONEST, and well-articulated firsthand experience, personal courage, and transparency for all to respect and enjoy. Thank you all. Keep it going!

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I’m so !$#%ing proud of you Leah. You’ll find your freedom in unconditional self love. Keep going sister, you are not alone. 

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