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May 20,1985


simonzelotes
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May 20, 1985

I don't know. I'm always sad about death.

I remember talking to my girlfriend that day. I was at work and paying for the call. I remember thinking I hope they didn't see the call and how long it was because I would get in trouble.

I had a kind of empty hollow feeling inside. I don't know how to explain it. Kind of other worldly but I don't know why.

As time went on I realized I had no ties to TWI. But that's enough for now.

Simon, we were so young when we got into this.

--

No man is an Island, entire of itself;

every man is a piece of the Continent,

a part of the main.

If a clod be washed away by the sea,

Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were,

as well as if a manor of thy friends or of thine own were.

Any man's death diminishes me,

because I am involved in Mankind;

and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.

John Donne

Devotions upon Emergent Occasions (1624)

"Meditation XVII"

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Wayfer,

I was out WOW when VPW died, too. I remember the late night phone call and having never met the man in person, I can say I wasn't too emotional about it, but a little saddened anyway. I also remember thinking, "I'm 2000 miles away from my friends, family, and everything that has been familiar to me up to this point in my life. What the hell am I doing here? If I came to serve a man, I should pack it up and leave. If I came to serve God, I should stay."

I stayed. Not for TWI, but to prove to myself that I could make a commitment and stick to it, no matter how hard it got. The ability to tough it out has stayed with me all these years, and while I am not thankful for many other things regarding TWI, I am thankful for that experience.

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quote:
... so i can celebrate his death and the beginning of his eternity in hell.

Wow! So I take it you aren't too big a fan of VeePee's, eh? icon_biggrin.gif:D-->

Anywho, I remember that day as getting a call from a Corps girl letting me in on the news to give to my Way Home leader, and I remember that I too, didn't feel much of anything about it, and that it kinda surprised me too. Like I was supposed to go **bawling** or something like that at The Man of Gawd's death? icon_eek.gif

But emotionally, ... hardly ziltch!

I faded out from TWI shortly thereafter.

I'm gonna **burn in hell** for that, aren't I? icon_eek.gif

icon_biggrin.gif:D-->

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It was my first year in residence, I was at Emporia. I remember being shut down emotionally. It took everything out of me at that time to be in the 15th corps and I felt nothing.

Pat and John L@nn made availabl to the corps, to take a petal off of the roses on display if you so wished. They were sent from H.Q I think.

I took a petal and taped to the inside of my Bible. Below it I wrote:

"The Old Violin"

Twas battered and scarred the auctioneer thought it scacely worth his while,

To waste much time on The Old violin, but held it up with a smile.

"What am I bid good folks?" he cried. "Who'll start the bidding for me? A dollar, a dollar- now two,only two- Two dollars,and who will mqke it three?".....---But No

From the room far back a grayed hair man, came forward and picked up the bow; Then wiped the dust from the old violin,and tightenrd up al the stings, heplayed a melody pure and sweet, as sweet as the angels sing.

The music ceased, and the Auctioneer,with a voice that was quiet and low.said "What am I bid for the old violin?" and held it up with the bow.

"A thousand dollars, who"ll make it two, two thousand - and who'll make it three? Three thousand once, and three thousand twice- and going and gone" said he.

The people cheered but some of them cried," We do not quite undestand, What change the worth?" a man replied: "THE TOUCH OF THE MASTERS HAND"

V.P Weirwills Teachings and TWI kept me alive and gave me a reason to live. It also has caused endless heart-ache for me too. But I must admit without "his ministery", I probly would not be typing at this time, but layed in a grave somewhere. So I do recognize the importance of his life in relationship to my existence.

I just wish he was the man he knew to be.

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Actually Johniam...

No one told me until after I finished PFAL that the guy was dead. It was like they didn't want to say it. Kind of creepy. I only went to twig a couple of times before I dropped my butt in session 1 so I could see where it might not come up. Still kind of weird though.

JT

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I remember thinking, I will never stay in this ministry now that Craig is really really in charge.

VPW's death? I had sent him a letter telling him I thought he had been deceived by spirits and told him why. I wondered what he thought of the letter. I wondered if he was a sick phock up until the end.

Then, I planned to get out of TWI. The plan was for a slow backing away. It became much more hastey after the POP paper was read.

I was angry at VPW for not straightening things out before he died. For not stepping up to the plate and denouncing his SICK practices and in front of the believers & asking forgiveness so that we as a group could heal.

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I remember the weeks before, the day of his death and being at the man's funeral.

I lived with Don and Wanda Wierwille that year as their interim Corps housekeeper. One of many things I learned that year was that VP was a horrible father. I had developed a real dislike of the guy before he died.

When he was laying in his motorcoach death bed, Don, Wanda and the kids would go to sit with Mrs. W everynight for almost a week. They seemed to be in such pain over a man that used them like props for his ministry/business. When VPW would come to Don and Wanda's...well... I'll just leave it at he really pizzed me off at how he treated his own family. What everyone saw on stage at the ROAs was a good show but not real.

The night Don and Wanda came home and told me the old fart had just died, I thought: Good riddance.

As I watched them lower the casket into the ground at his funeral, I was relieved.

I knew my friend whom he'd been trying to molest all year would be left alone. Maybe she would not be sick all of the time anymore.

I knew I wouldn't have to sit next to the basturd when he'd come for dinner. He somehow thought all of us housekeeper types were just interchangeable, non-human devices and that our thighs were his personal hand rests.

Dead men keep their hands to themselves. I was very relieved that he was in the ground with 6 feet of good Mother Earth keeping him in his place.

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Thanks, excath, imbus and danny.

My interim year was hard, but I left TWI a lot quicker because of it. I saw things that people on the field didn't see first hand. They only got to see the "show" that HQ put on for them so they'd keep sending in their money.

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I left twi a few years before that day. I was a "flipped out" believer...I didn't have "enough believing" to be healed from cancer after my Co-Ordinator prayed for me. And I quote her, "Everyone I pray for Gets Healed."

So I left, and went through a very difficult time with the Help and Love of some tremendous "Unbeliever's" : )

A couple/few years later I came across a picture of all The Men of God...my old wow prayer list fot twi...out of a strange old fondness for that practice of speaking in tongues everyday for that framed piece of paper, I began to speak in tongues for Dr's 'picture'. But a voice said, "you don't have to do that for him anymore." It shocked me. But I knew it was true. I no longer "belonged" to the ministry in any way at all. And the thought that he was "dead" was part of that. I found out that he was actually 'gone' in 1987 when a believer came into the store where I worked. I did cry, and I remembered that voice telling me I didn't have to pray anymore. He had a tremendous ability to get people to Love and Trust God's Word!! To believe that it is God's Word!! I am thankful. Very, very thankful. But he was a man...and the very Bible he taught us says, "Let God be found true though every human being is false and a liar." I did make the mistake of thinking there were "exceptions" : ) Every human being must mean Every Human Being. We all take our turns at being the "mixed bag" that we are.

But there are moments...great shining moments when the Love of God really is shed abroad in our hearts : ) I thank God we keep Finding HIM True!!!

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These words from "A Chorus Line"'s Nothing pretty much sums it up for me.

quote:
Went to church, praying, Santa Maria, Send me guidance, Send me guidance on my knees.

Went to church praying, Santa Maria, Help me feel it, Help me feel it pretty please.

And a voice from down at the bottom of my soul Came up to the top of my head

And a voice from down at the bottom of my soul, Here is what it said:

This man is nothing! This course is nothing! If you want something go find another class.

... Six months later I heard that Karp had died. And I dug right down to the bottom of my soul And cried...'Cause I felt nothing.


icon_wink.gif;)-->

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I will never forget that day....

I was "tripped out" at the time. icon_frown.gif:(--> My husband had abandoned me, icon_frown.gif:(--> so no belivers or corps in the city wanted anything to do with me. I was outcast, and unwanted.

So I was just all by myself.

I was working as a Dental Assistant, and was reading the morning paper, and saw the words, "Founder of The Way, dies at 68", and there was a picture of him.

MY VERY FIRST FEELING WAS RELIEF.. anim-smile.gifanim-smile.gifanim-smile.gif

WHY???? icon_confused.gif:confused:--> icon_confused.gif:confused:-->

He had been so verbally abusive to me when I would not let him touched me, and when I refused to have sex with him. icon_mad.gificon_redface.gif:o--> VPW humiliated me beyond belief, icon_mad.gif so I was INITIALLY RELEIVED.. icon_eek.gif

I guess my heart was really hardened.....

All I was thinking was "good ridance you M***f***a***h****"

I didn't even notice the day this past week.

I just saw this link and started to read what other peoples reaction was. Certainly different than mine..... icon_confused.gif:confused:-->

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Insurgent,

That song is too good to quote only in part. If others will forgive the digression, here are the complete lyrics to "Nothing," from A Chorus Line.

quote:
I'm so excited because I'm gonna go to the High School of Performing Arts, I mean I was dying to be a serious actress. Anyway, it's our first day acting class and we're in the auditorium and the teacher, Mr. Karp, puts us upon the stage with our legs around everybody, one in back of the other, and he says: "Okay, we're gonna do improvisations...Now, you're on a bobsled and it's snowing out and it's cold... Okay, go!"

Ev'ryday for a week we would try to feel the motion,

Feel the motion down the hill.

Ev'ry day for a week we would try to hear the wind rush

Hear the wind rush, feel the chill

And I dug right down to the bottom of my soul To see what I had inside.

Yes, I dug right down to the bottom of my soul And I tried, I tried!

And everybody goin' "Woosh... woosh ... I feel the snow, I feel the cold,

I feel the air..." And Mr. Karp turns to me and he says: "Okay, Morales, what did you feel?"

And I said... "Nothing, I'm feeling nothing,"

And he says "Nothing could get a girl transferred."

They all felt something, but I felt nothing

Except the feelin' that this bull**** was absurd!

But I said to myself, "Hey, it's only the first week. Maybe it's genetic, They don't have bobsleds in San Juan!"

Second week, more advanced, And we had to be a table, Be a sportscar, Ice-cream cone.

Mister Karp, he would say, "Very good, except Morales.

Try, Morales, all alone."

And I dug right down to the bottom of my soul To see how an ice cream felt... Yes, I dug right down to the bottom of my soul And I tried to melt!

The kids yelled, "Nothing!" They called me "Nothing"

And Karp allowed it, which really makes me burn.

They were so helpful, they called me "Hopeless",

Until I really didn't know where else to turn.

And Karp kept saying, "Morales, I think you should transfer to Girl's High, You'll never be an actress, Never!" Jesus Christ!

Went to church, praying, Santa Maria, Send me guidance,

Send me guidance on my knees.

Went to church praying, Santa Maria, Help me feel it,

Help me feel it pretty please.

And a voice from down at the bottom of my soul

Came up to the top of my head

And a voice from down at the bottom of my soul, Here is what it said:

This man is nothing! This course is nothing!

If you want something go find another class.

And when you find one You'll be an actress.

And I assure you that's what fin'lly came to pass.

Six months later I heard that Karp had died.

And I dug right down to the bottom of my soul And cried...

'Cause I felt nothing.


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I remember sitting out on the porch at the LC's house with Simonion and others most faithful in the vaudeville, and thinking at that time, "This is the beginning of the end of 2 major deals in mah life:

1. The ministry as I knew it

2. My marriage as I knew it

And I also (bullinger) was relieved, as Valerie was ...

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Yeah,Tommy,I remember that....For some reason,even though I didn't really think of him as my "father" in the word,I'm reminded of the song "Papa was a Rolling Stone" by the Temptations....Many of the facts about his life did not become well known 'til after he died,at least for many people...

"And when he died,all he left us was alone"....

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