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Belief-O-Matic


Bob
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Don’t know what religion you should be in? Don't know if what you're in is right for you? Not to fear, Belief-O-Matic is here for you.

Take the short 20 question quiz and find out what religion you practice, or should be practicing:

Belief-O-Matic

My top 3 results:

1. Unitarian Universalism (100%)

2. Nontheist (96%)

3. Secular Humanism (96%)

Now I’ve been to a Unitarian Universalism church before and I know they are not my cup of tea. Therefore, take the results with a grain of salt (or by throwing it over your sholder). icon_smile.gif:)-->

What do you practice, or should be practicing?

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Here's how I came out:

1. Orthodox Judaism (100%)

2. Islam (97%)

3. Sikhism (77%)

4. Reform Judaism (75%)

5. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (73%)

6. Bahá'í Faith (70%)

7. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (68%)

8. Seventh Day Adventist (66%)

9. Jainism (64%)

10. Jehovah's Witness (62%)

11. Eastern Orthodox (57%)

12. Roman Catholic (57%)

13. Orthodox Quaker (56%)

14. Hinduism (52%)

15. Liberal Quakers (42%)

16. Mahayana Buddhism (41%)

17. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (34%)

18. Unitarian Universalism (34%)

19. Neo-Pagan (32%)

20. New Thought (32%)

21. Scientology (31%)

22. Theravada Buddhism (30%)

23. Nontheist (30%)

24. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (27%)

25. New Age (23%)

26. Taoism (15%)

27. Secular Humanism (12%)

I assume that my monotheistic beliefs, in conjunction with the fact that NONE of the questions refer to Jesus as savior icon_eek.gif, put me in the Judaism/Islam bracket. (Sikh? Sheesh!!) Fun, but ridiculous! icon_biggrin.gif:D-->

George

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1. Jainism (100%)

2. Mahayana Buddhism (95%)

3. Hinduism (92%)

4. Unitarian Universalism (91%)

5. Neo-Pagan (86%)

6. Liberal Quakers (84%)

7. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (83%)

8. Bahá'í Faith (81%)

9. Theravada Buddhism (80%)

10. Orthodox Quaker (76%)

11. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (71%)

12. New Age (70%)

13. New Thought (68%)

14. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (66%)

15. Taoism (64%)

16. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (63%)

17. Jehovah's Witness (60%)

18. Orthodox Judaism (60%)

19. Sikhism (58%)

20. Seventh Day Adventist (55%)

21. Reform Judaism (53%)

22. Scientology (53%)

23. Islam (51%)

24. Secular Humanism (41%)

25. Eastern Orthodox (35%)

26. Roman Catholic (35%)

27. Nontheist (28%)

I know ya'll think I'm crazy now!

lol icon_biggrin.gif:D-->

hmmm, no southern redneck in there, lol

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Taking this test made me realize all the beliefs I've either put on hold or am still trying to figure out. I've decided that there's a lot I don't know and a lot more to learn out there that I wasn't privy to while in TWI and I feel light years behind the spiritual knowledge and development that's been going on in the world.

1. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (100%)

2. Unitarian Universalism (96%)

3. Bah�'� Faith (93%)

4. Liberal Quakers (92%)

5. Reform Judaism (91%)

I look pretty schizo based on these results.....mainline Christianity to Unitarian Universalism and Bahai??? Not much in common with these guys, is there?

My therapist is Unitarian, his parents founded the Unitarian church in my town. He'll be tickled with these results. icon_biggrin.gif:D-->

I don't know much about Bahai, but my understanding was that it is also a cult with very stringent rules and doctrines.

Looks to me like it's a good thing I'm in therapy! icon_cool.gif

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1. Reform Judaism (100%)

2. Bahai Faith (90%)

3. Unitarian Universalism (89%)

Least like a Jehovah's Witness (23%).

Interestingly enough I am only 44% Mormon although I used to be one! icon_smile.gif:)-->

And TWI come NOWHERE! icon_biggrin.gif:D-->

But if Reform Judaism still requires circumcision forget it! redface.gif:o-->

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Well that was strange, most of the choices didn't match too closely to what I actually think, but I gave it my best (if quick) shot..

1. Neo-Pagan (100%)

2. Mahayana Buddhism (96%)

3. Unitarian Universalism (88%)

4. Liberal Quakers (85%)

5. Sikhism (77%)

6. Hinduism (75%)

7. Reform Judaism (74%)

8. Theravada Buddhism (69%)

9. Jainism (69%)

10. Bahá'í Faith (67%)

....

25. Jehovah's Witness (21%)

26. Eastern Orthodox (19%)

27. Roman Catholic (19%)

No matter what it says--I'm not in danger of joining or associating myself with any group anytime soon

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Sharon,

It is interesting that Judaism is coming up a lot with ex-twits (notice that's EX-twits). icon_smile.gif:)-->

Me thinks TWI emphasized the Old Testament a bit much, and deemphasized Jesus.

Also interesting, as Chas noticed, is that what a person was raised in seems to stick with them. From my observations (purely unscientific), it takes something to replace a religious upbringing before it goes away. I guess the brain doesn’t want to give up plausible answers to unanswerable questions very easily, especially when risk of eternal damnation exists.

My upbringing was middle-of-the-road protestant that latter swung to Pentecostal before the TWIts found me. Given how my analysis came out, it would appear I have replaced all of it. icon_smile.gif:)-->

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1. Eastern Orthodox (100%)

2. Roman Catholic (100%)

3. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (98%)

4. Seventh Day Adventist (94%)

5. Orthodox Quaker (89%)

6. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (70%)

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Adapted from "God Wants to Know," copyright © 1993 B.C. Brown, http://www.espressopress.com/ (though, I got it from CarTalk).

A little more levity.........

GOD'S TOTAL QUALITY MANAGEMENT QUESTIONNAIRE

God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions.

Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless you prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions.

1. How did you find out about your Deity?

___ Newspaper

___ Bible

___ Torah

___ Book of Mormon

___ Koran

___ Divine inspiration

___ Dead Sea Scrolls

___ My mama done tol' me

___ Near-death experience

___ Near-life experience

___ National Public Radio

___ Tabloid

___ Burning shrubbery

___ Other (specify): _____________

2. Which model Deity did you acquire?

___ Yahweh

___ Father, Son & Holy Ghost [Trinity Pak]

___ Jehovah

___ Jesus

___ Krishna

___ Zeus and entourage [Olympus Pak]

___ Odin and entourage [Valhalla Pak]

___ Allah

___ Satan

___ Gaia/Mother Earth/Mother Nature

___ God 1.0a (hairy thunderer)

___ God 1.0b (cosmic muffin)

___ None of the above; I was taken in by a false god

3. Did your God come to you undamaged, with all parts in good working order and with no obvious breakage or missing attributes?

___ Yes

___ No

If no, please describe the problems you initially encountered here. Please indicate all that apply:

___ Not eternal

___ Finite in space/Does not occupy or inhabit the entire cosmos

___ Not omniscient

___ Not omnipotent

___ Not infinitely plastic (incapable of being all things to all creations)

___ Permits sex outside of marriage

___ Prohibits sex outside of marriage

___ Makes mistakes (Geraldo Rivera, Jesse Helms)

___ Makes or permits bad things to happen to good people

___ When beseeched, doesn't stay beseeched

___ Requires burnt offerings

___ Requires virgin sacrifices

___ Plays dice with the universe

4. What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a Deity? Please check all that apply.

___ Indoctrinated by parents

___ Needed a reason to live

___ Indoctrinated by society

___ Needed focus in whom to despise

___ Imaginary friend grew up

___ Wanted to know Jesus in the Biblical sense

___ Graduated from the tooth fairy

___ Hate to think for myself

___ Wanted to meet girls/boys

___ Fear of death

___ Wanted to .... off parents

___ Needed a day away from work

___ Desperate need for certainty

___ Like organ music

___ Need to feel morally superior

___ Thought Jerry Falwell was cool

___ My shrubbery caught fire and told me to do it

5. Have you ever worshipped a Deity before? If so, which false god were you fooled by? Please check all that apply.

___ Mick Jagger

___ Rajanish

___ Baal

___ The almighty dollar

___ Bill Gates

___ Left-wing liberalism

___ The radical right

___ Ra

___ Beelzebub

___ Barney T.B.P.D.

___ The Great Spirit

___ The Great Pumpkin

___ The sun

___ Elvis

___ Cindy Crawford

___ The moon

___ TV news

___ Burning shrubbery

___ Other: ________________

6. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? Please check all that apply.

__ Tarot __ Lottery __ Astrology

__ Television __ Fortune cookies __ Ann Landers

__ Psychic Friends Network __ Dianetics __ Palmistry

__ Playboy and/or Playgirl __ Self-help books __ Sex, drugs, rock and roll

__ Biorhythms __ Alcohol __ Bill Clinton

__ Tea leaves __ EST __ CompuServe

__ Mantras __ Jimmy Swaggert __ Crystals (not including Crystal Gayle)

__ Human sacrifice __ Pyramids __ Wandering in a desert

__ Burning shrubbery __ Barney T.B.P.D. __ Barney Fife

Other:___________

7. God employs a limited degree of divine intervention to preserve the balanced level of felt presence and blind faith. Which would you prefer (circle one)?

a. More divine intervention

b. Less divine intervention

c. Current level of divine intervention is just right

d. Don't know...what's divine intervention?

8. God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 - 5 his handling of the following

(1=unsatisfactory, 5=excellent):

Disasters:

flood 1 2 3 4 5

famine 1 2 3 4 5

earthquake 1 2 3 4 5

war 1 2 3 4 5

pestilence 1 2 3 4 5

plague 1 2 3 4 5

spam 1 2 3 4 5

AOL 1 2 3 4 5

Miracles:

rescues 1 2 3 4 5

spontaneous remissions 1 2 3 4 5

stars hovering over jerkwater towns 1 2 3 4 5

crying statues 1 2 3 4 5

water changing to wine 1 2 3 4 5

walking on water 1 2 3 4 5

VCRs that set their own clocks 1 2 3 4 5

Saddam Hussein still alive 1 2 3 4 5

getting any sex whatsoever 1 2 3 4 5

9. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God's services? (Attach an additional sheet if necessary.)

If you are able to complete the questionnaire and return it to one of our conveniently located drop-off boxes by October 31 you will be entered in the One Free Miracle of Your Choice drawing (chances of winning are approximately one in 6.023 x 10 to the 23d power, depending on number of beings entered).

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1. Unitarian Universalism (100%)

2. Liberal Quakers (94%)

3. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (92%)

4. Mahayana Buddhism (85%)

5. Neo-Pagan (79%)

6. Theravada Buddhism (78%)

7. New Age (77%)

8. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (75%)

9. Bahá'í Faith (72%)

10. New Thought (72%)

11. Taoism (72%)

12. Reform Judaism (64%)

13. Scientology (58%)

14. Sikhism (58%)

15. Hinduism (54%)

16. Orthodox Quaker (54%)

17. Jainism (53%)

18. Secular Humanism (51%)

19. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (46%)

20. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (42%)

21. Orthodox Judaism (39%)

22. Islam (31%)

23. Nontheist (31%)

24. Jehovah's Witness (29%)

25. Seventh Day Adventist (27%)

26. Eastern Orthodox (22%)

27. Roman Catholic (22%)

Hmmm, quite a choice abounds here.

I'll narrow it down

1. Unitarian Universalism (100%

4. Mahayana Buddhism 85 %

5. Neo-Pagan (79%)

6. Theravada Buddhism (78%)

7. New Age (77%)

10. New Thought (72%)

11. Taoism (72%)

12. Reform Judaism (64%)

14. Sikhism (58%)

15. Hinduism (54%)

17. Jainism (53%)

18. Secular Humanism (51%)

22. Islam (31%)

and add ~~~

..."In response, Crowley created his own "philosophical system", Occult Sciences — a synthesis of various Eastern mystical systems (including Hinduism, Buddhism, Tantra, the predecessor to Western sex magick, Zoroastrianism and the many systems of Yoga) fused with the Western occult sciences of the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn and the many reformed rituals of Freemasonry he later reformulated within the Ordo Templi Orientis (O.T.O). This system is founded in scientific skepticism. His undergraduate studies in chemistry helped forge the scientific skepticism which later culminated in the many-volumed and unparalleled occult publication, The Equinox. Nearly 60 years after his death in 1947, his works are more prevalent and prominent, especially with current struggles between dogmatic branches of Christianity and Islam."

angelkit.gif

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Top three:

1. Neo-Pagan (100%)

2. Unitarian Universalism (86%)

3. Mahayana Buddhism (82%)

No big surprise.

I have heard that if you are a social liberal you will automatically end up in Neo pagan or UU, even if that's not your theology.

I was raised in a not very devout RC family. By the time I was 18, no one attended church anymore. Alot of eastern Philosophy and New Age (like Carlos Castenada, ESP)type books were around the house in the seventies when I was a teen.

I guess that's what stuck. One brother and I are pagan, my sis is agnostic but has some rather witchy ways. One brother is off meds again, he has some interesting beliefs all his own.

Maybe joining a Bible literalist group was my way of rebelling. It's something no other kid in the family did, and was by far the most controversial action.

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Here I am icon_smile.gif:)-->

1. Neo-Pagan (100%)

2. New Age (95%)

3. Mahayana Buddhism (92%)

4. Liberal Quakers (82%)

5. Unitarian Universalism (82%)

6. Jainism (75%)

7. Scientology (75%)

8. New Thought (72%)

9. Theravada Buddhism (70%)

10. Taoism (70%)

11. Reform Judaism (68%)

12. Hinduism (65%)

13. Sikhism (60%)

14. Orthodox Quaker (58%)

15. Bahá'í Faith (57%)

16. Secular Humanism (55%)

17. Orthodox Judaism (54%)

18. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (52%)

19. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (52%)

20. Islam (45%)

21. Nontheist (29%)

22. Seventh Day Adventist (27%)

23. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (27%)

24. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (22%)

25. Jehovah's Witness (22%)

26. Eastern Orthodox (15%)

27. Roman Catholic (15%)

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Neo-pagan is the new do-it-yourself stuff kids put together prefab after

going to see the craft. They drink wine and make up a few ceremonies

involving candles or whatever, maybe "experiment" with drugs, sex, or

drugged sex, and often dress gothic to freak the mundanes (sometimes

ticking off the goths.) It's an "ancient religion" that started in the 50s

or later, depending on specifically what they're doing. Half the time the

kid listened to too much Morrissey, watched "the Craft" too many times,

then decided they were Fairuza Balk or something.

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