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annio

the sexual culture/abuse in the way and me...

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Don't really know where else to put this story... Move if needed.

Well, taking a deep breath, and sharing here a brief history of the sexual abuse I experienced in what I had thought was FINALLY a place I could be cared about and where I could escape the "mental hospital" and recover from the breakdown I was experiencing in Jan '74.  At the time was a Baptist folk-song-loving hippie, abusively married, VISTA-volunteering-in-very-racist-very-rural-southern-VA as a college graduate from New England. Starting in the Family Camp where I took PFAL as a brand new believer in NY that summer, a series of sexual encounters gradually began; I had been raped twice, as a 12 year old and on my honey moon night, but had kind of buried the memories, so was particularly vulnerable. At the CF&S Family Camp in OH three weeks later, my boundaries were further broken by the class, altho I was healed of some of the bondage and trauma surrounding sex. However, the pendulum was set to swing into the license-to-sin culture of the way that has been brought to light here and other places.

Guess my path was pretty predictable- it involved being sexually abused by two young leaders and then engaging in sex with believer bros, then two guys I was "witnessing" to, etc. There were other incidents that were not (what's a cool way to say full-on intercourse?) Was invited on the motor coach corpse week '80; vpw dropped his pants, but I was again in mental distress after my interim year, and he ended up talking about my next year's assignment as we cuddled, thank You GOD! So from the Advanced Class '79 (July?) to the summer of my final WOW year in '83, I had 10 full sexual encounters/ relationships along with other activity that the culture sanctioned.  (Was too "out of it" to protect with safe sex precautions, but my female system had shut down either due to the running, all the birth control pills in traveling hippie times, or the traumas, so there you had that...) When I finally kind of realized that I was becoming an abuser, I said Enough! These are my brothers and I am their sister, and this is wrong.

I mentioned in another post how I learned that sexual abuse was A-OK with vpw et al; and of course along with it came the message that women were less than, that it was fine for men to help themselves to the young women, etc. 1 CORINTHIANS 7:1 WAS TAUGHT IN CF&S, YET. . . . . What's new??  A counselor labeled the way as misogynistic... Guess so?!  

Could of course, talk about how the way contributed to very good things in my life like meeting my future h, having my children with him, making wonderful friends, receiving some deliverance, etc. BUT! I am in full-time trauma recovery from many things, among them the cult aspects of the way and the sexual abuse. 

All for now I think...  Blessings to all!

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1 hour ago, annio said:

Don't really know where else to put this story... Move if needed.

Well, taking a deep breath, and sharing here a brief history of the sexual abuse I experienced in what I had thought was FINALLY a place I could be cared about and where I could escape the "mental hospital" and recover from the breakdown I was experiencing in Jan '74.  At the time was a Baptist folk-song-loving hippie, abusively married, VISTA-volunteering-in-very-racist-very-rural-southern-VA as a college graduate from New England. Starting in the Family Camp where I took PFAL as a brand new believer in NY that summer, a series of sexual encounters gradually began; I had been raped twice, as a 12 year old and on my honey moon night, but had kind of buried the memories, so was particularly vulnerable. At the CF&S Family Camp in OH three weeks later, my boundaries were further broken by the class, altho I was healed of some of the bondage and trauma surrounding sex. However, the pendulum was set to swing into the license-to-sin culture of the way that has been brought to light here and other places.

Guess my path was pretty predictable- it involved being sexually abused by two young leaders and then engaging in sex with believer bros, then two guys I was "witnessing" to, etc. There were other incidents that were not (what's a cool way to say full-on intercourse?) Was invited on the motor coach corpse week '80; vpw dropped his pants, but I was again in mental distress after my interim year, and he ended up talking about my next year's assignment as we cuddled, thank You GOD! So from the Advanced Class '79 (July?) to the summer of my final WOW year in '83, I had 10 full sexual encounters/ relationships along with other activity that the culture sanctioned.  (Was too "out of it" to protect with safe sex precautions, but my female system had shut down either due to the running, all the birth control pills in traveling hippie times, or the traumas, so there you had that...) When I finally kind of realized that I was becoming an abuser, I said Enough! These are my brothers and I am their sister, and this is wrong.

I mentioned in another post how I learned that sexual abuse was A-OK with vpw et al; and of course along with it came the message that women were less than, that it was fine for men to help themselves to the young women, etc. 1 CORINTHIANS 7:1 WAS TAUGHT IN CF&S, YET. . . . . What's new??  A counselor labeled the way as misogynistic... Guess so?!  

Could of course, talk about how the way contributed to very good things in my life like meeting my future h, having my children with him, making wonderful friends, receiving some deliverance, etc. BUT! I am in full-time trauma recovery from many things, among them the cult aspects of the way and the sexual abuse. 

All for now I think...  Blessings to all!

Hoping for a good outcome for you. :cryhug_1_:

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Thank you so much for your honesty and candor. I'm glad things are going better for you now.

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Thanks for your personal courage in sharing those morally depraved and physically degrading  incidents you experienced first hand. I BELIEVE YOU!

The after effects linger, now some 40+ years! Imagine what damage is being done by the current wierwillean cults like Frontczak and the remnants of Victor Barnard’s River Road Fellowship, “Rev” Charlie “Mr. Bless Patrol” Quillen, frontczak’s former boss, in IL, “Rev” Chris Geer and Word Promotions, now down in NC somewhere, and “Rev” Super —classified-double-secret-probation Kung fu agent, Doug MacMullan, at his family farm in MS, where V2P2 and poppa JP carry on the dictor paul legends and good ole daze.

YOUR COURAGE and honesty will help future victims Annio, as well as prevent future victims as women all around the world agree, “TIME’S UP!”. There is no statute of limitations on truth! Thank you again for your bravery and honesty, Annio!....................peace.

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Appreciate the support much all, and thanks much DWBH for naming names, holding ppl accountable, and helping me a great deal to keep processing and rebuilding.  It is invaluable beyond words to keep reading truth here at gsc about vpw's (et al's) record and modus operandi (in contrast to what healthy truly Biblical pastoring and leading are.) I pretty much simply ID myself as a Jesus-follower these days and fellowship with some local folks as well as attend CFF conferences and keep in touch with the Taurs in England, Sangat Bains et als ministering, and others who honor God and walk in love and power as best they can.

If of interest- I found out that the ex-limb coordinator who really did the damage that led to further destruction (including things that deeply affected my marriage and children), was praised to the skies for helping Jo&n Sch'heit and company in '17 or '18 mediate a leadership crisis... Rather anxiety-causing to see his name in print in the STF newsletter... He appears from Facebook to be leading the Good Life in CT these days... Not sure I am ready to do anything more than write here, but DAMN!  Maybe I could atleast write John w/whom I have had some contact... I saw the dude's name as a participant in John's online weekly meetings very recently... We'll see.

Onward!!:beer:

 

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Annio, it's brave of you to write what you have.  TWI didn't start it, but they surely perfected the sexual abuse - and all the baggage that goes with it.  Including the brave admission that it was turning you into an abuser, too.  Do what you need to do, to get rid of that baggage.  It's okay to be angry.  Or sad.  Or whatever it takes.  We understand.

I'm going to PM you.

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I decided that what good things the Way contributed to in my life had to be re-evaluated. When I was sexually assaulted in the name of the "love of God" all things, good and bad, had to be reviewed because the good, whatever there might have been, was used to hurt. Intent doesn't matter. Like one thing I participated in, using believing to degrade and belittle others, the most obvious example being chastising people for not believing...and therefore not being faithful to God...because they had incurred some illness, in many cases things as minor as mild sniffles. Anyway, I know I am far from alone in having to associate big hurts with what was presumably God's Love being taught, and ex-Way people are not alone: I have come across some in my male survivor support group who have somewhat the same problem, being sexually abused in church, often as children. Therefore, I am re-learning God with the help of my sexual assault counselor and faith based support. Of course this wipes out the ,myth of the Way being the only place God could be really taught.

I think I have covered this before on posts elsewhere, but briefly, the teachnig by VPW that leaders (such as corps men) were entitled to have their sexual needs fulfilled (for the good of the ministry) was the reason why I was sexually assaulted by two women. Easy to understand, especially after reading Charlene Edge's account (in "Undertow") of how she discovered that even VPW had women around who went along with his sexual "doctrine".  Maybe a little irony in how I am now learning abut our Real God,  and considering forgiveness, even as I have recieved recent indications that my main assaulter still doesn't think she could have hurt me. Men, in the Way and in the world, are often perceived as sex starved animals who cannot be hurt by sex and so my "loosening up" (I overheard clearly that term being used specifically about me i the event) and it still was just "playing around" to her. I think I can extend forgiveness because I have learned from my counselor and others what it is, and more importantly what it is NOT.  I just wonder if it can be accepted. But I understand also it is for ME, not them.

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I don't know a lot about the Way International as far as inner workings.  I know what I've read and what I experienced as a child.  I've lived with what happened since the early 80's.  It happened between the ages of 7-10.  I came here several years ago to tell my story and was immediately called a liar.  Some did support me, but the experience traumatized me and I left the forums.  I'm back because I can't believe more information does not exist.  I know that at least one incident happened at Camp Gunnison, in one of the rooms with bunk beds.  When I found the group on Facebook, I recognized one of the rooms and was especially triggered by a room with bunk beds.  I remembered that room, and I remembered a hallway with a yellow light.  I remember much more, of course, but I will not go into details.  Suffice it to say that I believe I was sexually abused while there.  I've been in counseling on and off for over twenty years.  I started having flashbacks long before I ever got into counseling.  The things that I remember are horrific, but I know there's much more below the surface.  I'm not saying everything that happened to me happened there.  In fact, I'm pretty sure quite a lot happened off site.  My father was also a pedophile.  Everything that happened could very well have happened independent of the group, after all, pedophiles are always looking for places that they can get access to children.  I wouldn't have even written this if Lifted Up had not mentioned sexual abuse as children.  It's been frustrating to not find other stories like mine, because I know they are out there.  Other than the guy who kept "maidens" for himself rather recently (and this came out a few years after my first attempt to reach out here), I haven't seen anything, even though a research book contains a passage about the Way and allegations of child sexual abuse.  So I'm rather at a loss.  But thank you, Lifted Up, for speaking out.  God bless.

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