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BecomingMe

Lurker for Years, Joiner at Last

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4 hours ago, outandabout said:

 

2 hours ago, Twinky said:

Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse is a life changer.  I couldn't put it down when I first read it.  I could feel the oppression evaporating.  Within a very few hours, I was like a different person.  Not that all my problems disappeared; but the oppressiveness did.

And it might also be in your local public library.

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On 7/8/2018 at 9:23 PM, BecomingMe said:

Anyway, I tend to ramble, so, thank you all for welcoming me. :-)

Hi BecomingMe.  Welcome to the Spot.  Nice to meet you.  I come here because it's closer than going to California to get my head together.  LOL.  Plus no way I could afford housing there lately.

As to rambling, I personally think I do that really a lot.  And I have a really big mouth.  Yep.  Big mouth rambler, that's me.  I think the PTSD will go away in time.  Mostly.  I mean the good part about it is if it doesn't then we can ramble on about it until it does.  It's kind of a built-in self healing mechanism.  LOL.

:dance:

 

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3 hours ago, chockfull said:

Hi BecomingMe.  Welcome to the Spot.  Nice to meet you.  I come here because it's closer than going to California to get my head together.  LOL.  Plus no way I could afford housing there lately.

As to rambling, I personally think I do that really a lot.  And I have a really big mouth.  Yep.  Big mouth rambler, that's me.  I think the PTSD will go away in time.  Mostly.  I mean the good part about it is if it doesn't then we can ramble on about it until it does.  It's kind of a built-in self healing mechanism.  LOL.

:dance:

 

You got that right.  My grandchildren (and their parents) moved to N Cali a few months ago. Housing costs are outrageous.

 

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Wow, you all are wonderful! I love that I’m engaging with people who understand!! I do have several people in my life that came out of the way, but many of you have a different perspective, which I find valuable. I’m so grateful for the level of insight and kindness you all share. I really appreciate all the book recommendations - I will add them to my list :-)

When I was first half-in, half-out and trying to figure out what to do, Greasespot was so helpful, especially the documents that came directly from the way. By that time, I understood that I wanted to be part of things that practiced compassion and kindness; I came to see those qualities as moral. Reading LCM’s letters, etc, I realized how little compassion he practiced (yes, understatement of the century). It was a major help in my decision.

So, thank you all for engaging with me, and thanks for keeping this cafe up and running! I’ll keep ramblin’ with you!

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Hi, this is Penworks. My heart goes out to you, Becoming Me. You have great courage.

Take good care of yourself.

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On 7/9/2018 at 3:29 PM, waysider said:

Did somebody say ramblin'?

From an old friend, Ramblin' Dan.

Btw, Ramblin' Dan Stevens knows where WE have been too. If you know what I mean.

Edited by Rocky
more info

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Hey, all. It’s been awhile since I’ve stepped into the diner. I’m outing myself today because it’s too painful to keep my silence anymore, and I’m struggling right now.

My name is Leah - I’m LCM’s oldest child. I don’t know what to do next...I feel like I need to speak, but I don’t know what to say. I’m just so tired of hurting.

Penworthy, it’s lovely to “see” you here. I so appreciate your compassion...

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13 minutes ago, BecomingMe said:

Hey, all. It’s been awhile since I’ve stepped into the diner. I’m outing myself today because it’s too painful to keep my silence anymore, and I’m struggling right now.

My name is Leah - I’m LCM’s oldest child. I don’t know what to do next...I feel like I need to speak, but I don’t know what to say. I’m just so tired of hurting.

Penworthy, it’s lovely to “see” you here. I so appreciate your compassion...

Leah, hello!  How are you kids these days? 

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24 minutes ago, Grace Valerie Claire said:

Leah, hello!  How are you kids these days?

Well, I only feel comfortable speaking for myself, and I’m not so great. Working on it, though.

I have a life that is full and that I’m really grateful for - two little girls, a husband (also a former Way kid), a career that I love in education. Now if I can work out really detaching the old way programming from my head, I’ll be all right...

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1 hour ago, BecomingMe said:

Hey, all. It’s been awhile since I’ve stepped into the diner. I’m outing myself today because it’s too painful to keep my silence anymore, and I’m struggling right now.

My name is Leah - I’m LCM’s oldest child. I don’t know what to do next...I feel like I need to speak, but I don’t know what to say. I’m just so tired of hurting.

Penworthy, it’s lovely to “see” you here. I so appreciate your compassion...

:love3:  Leah, I applaud your bravery. I stand with you. I'm confident you don't remember me, but I was at Emporia in the late 1970s with the 9th.

Whatever we at GSC can do for you, please let us (privately or not) know.

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On 7/8/2018 at 8:23 PM, BecomingMe said:

Thanks, everyone, for the welcome. I find that through these difficulties, others’ compassion is pure gold. I love that several of you are here to help the rest of us - thank you!

Taxidev and Waysider, I would say I’m atheist when I’m angry and agnostic when I’m calm. It’s wonderful that so many perspectives are represented here. That’s how we learn, right? 

I’m finding lately that some of the things I still struggle with have so much to do with cult practices - “us vs. them” being one of them. It seems to me that served the purpose of keeping people trapped. At the same time, I do believe the people that promoted these ideas - the leaders of the 90s, at least, were true believers. I’ve run into people who assume/believe they all had nefarious intentions, but in knowing some of them, they believed the, um, stuff they were spreading. Doesn’t really make me any less angry, but...perhaps slightly more compassionate.

T-Bone, I’ve read Undertow and really loved it. I think Penworks was both direct and compassionate in her telling, and I so appreciated that. Pretty much every person who has been a major influence in my early life is or was in twi. There’s so much of the love I’ve experienced mixed in with basically abuse and violation, and that’s incredibly difficult to separate.

Anyway, I tend to ramble, so, thank you all for welcoming me. :-)

I assure you, that is NOT rambling. I'm in my mid-60s now, was 19 when I first met a wayfer and 31 when I exited the cult. I married at age 34. My (fairly short) marriage was tumultuous largely because I didn't grow up learning about personal boundaries and twi exacerbated the problem. I too have dealt with PTSD (not diagnosed) and depression and anxiety (diagnosed). I've also experienced grace in my life since. Lots of it. My two grandchildren are my greatest joy.

I'm retired now and spend a lot of time writing and reading.

Much love to you, BecomingMe! :knuddel:

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Hi Leah!

Don’t you dare quit! You ARE on the right path. It’s right because YOU are choosing it. YOU are determining who YOU are! That is the single most difficult task of human development, and at the same time, the most rewarding and fulfilling. That’s why I said, “don’t you dare quit”. You will make it to your authentic YOU if you just keep on going. Damn the hurt, the pain, the fear, the shame, the guilt, and the weariness. Just keep on keepin’ on!

According to the 8 stages of human development, the 4th One is “identity formation”. Usually, according to the data, it occurs between the ages of 20-32. It follows adolescence, (12-19), and it is THE critical stage of human development. 

Observe the usual activities people in the age range 20-32 are engaged in these days in our frenetic culture.....college, trade school, the military, all crucial development tools which help one to self-determine her/his occupation, basic philosophy of life, and accepting who you have decided to be. For most of us here, those were the very years we got involved with TWIt. The TWIt cult stunted our development at the most critical stage. Dictor paul’s psychiatric dysfunctions and perversions, along with the Nazi-like authoritarianism and militarism of his corpse program produced what I term, a forced adolescence upon all wayfers, because the way took over determining our identities with it’s cult indoctrination and a rigid military-like discipline in order to “be the best” according to what the cult determined was “best”, period.

But, the incredible cognitive dissonance we all experienced between what wierwille said and what wierwille DID became too much for us to bear, eventually driving our “authentic” selves back to the surface from under the smothering mind control and extreme peer pressure from the cult, and, avouding a psychological breakdown, we summoned enough personal courage to get the hell out of Dodge and retake control of our own, authentic lives....lives WE choose and people WE choose to be with.

That’s where the anxiety and depression become an issue. There is so much cognitive dissonance that it usually requires professional help from a licensed counselor in order to sort it all out. It is, unfortunately, a necessity for most, because we have no sense of ourselves outside the complete dominance of the cult in every part of our minds and bodies. Our personal human development was detoured by a destructive religious cult, but by the strength of will and reason, WE now get to determine who and what we are according to OUR standards, beliefs, and desires. This takes time and a bunch of getting used to, but the end of adaptation is FREEDOM, liberty, and confidence that you can do it again as often as necessary.

As you can see, I too can ramble! LOL. But more importantly, I want to strongly encourage you to keep on going! YOU ARE on the right path for YOU. We’ve all been at multiple crossroads in our lives, and we are here to help, to listen, to encourage, to inspire, and to hug whenever you need help along your journey to self-actualization. A cool glass of water and a cold, juicy peach on a hot day, passed on to a fellow traveller with love, unspoken understanding, and a joyful smile to help you hang in there baby!! That’s the GSC.

As you said, by the grace of God, you have a full life! A loving partner, 2 lovely babies, a good career doing something YOU love because YOU love it and trained for it. YOU did all that! YOU! And YOU will conquer the current difficulties with the help of others also traveling the freedom road to self-identification and rewarding fulfillment......you’ll see REAL fruit of the spirit in your life and you will be happy and at peace. Don’t you dare quit! We love YOU because of who and what YOU are. You belong. You are free to be you. Just do it! We’ll help in any way we can. Peace.

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3 hours ago, BecomingMe said:

Well, I only feel comfortable speaking for myself, and I’m not so great. Working on it, though.

I have a life that is full and that I’m really grateful for - two little girls, a husband (also a former Way kid), a career that I love in education. Now if I can work out really detaching the old way programming from my head, I’ll be all right...

Leah, I have never met you, but if I could make a suggestion; if you need help for your pain, you might need professional help- a therapist.  He, or she might be able to prescribe medication.  I know you are young, but even the young have problems.  God-bless you, and I will pray for you.:wave:

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26 minutes ago, DontWorryBeHappy said:

Hi Leah!

Don’t you dare quit! You ARE on the right path. It’s right because YOU are choosing it. YOU are determining who YOU are! That is the single most difficult task of human development, and at the same time, the most rewarding and fulfilling. That’s why I said, “don’t you dare quit”. You will make it to your authentic YOU if you just keep on going. Damn the hurt, the pain, the fear, the shame, the guilt, and the weariness. Just keep on keepin’ on!

According to the 8 stages of human development, the 4th One is “identity formation”. Usually, according to the data, it occurs between the ages of 20-32. It follows adolescence, (12-19), and it is THE critical stage of human development. 

Observe the usual activities people in the age range 20-32 are engaged in these days in our frenetic culture.....college, trade school, the military, all crucial development tools which help one to self-determine her/his occupation, basic philosophy of life, and accepting who you have decided to be. For most of us here, those were the very years we got involved with TWIt. The TWIt cult stunted our development at the most critical stage. Dictor paul’s psychiatric dysfunctions and perversions, along with the Nazi-like authoritarianism and militarism of his corpse program produced what I term, a forced adolescence upon all wayfers, because the way took over determining our identities with it’s cult indoctrination and a rigid military-like discipline in order to “be the best” according to what the cult determined was “best”, period.

But, the incredible cognitive dissonance we all experienced between what wierwille said and what wierwille DID became too much for us to bear, eventually driving our “authentic” selves back to the surface from under the smothering mind control and extreme peer pressure from the cult, and, avouding a psychological breakdown, we summoned enough personal courage to get the hell out of Dodge and retake control of our own, authentic lives....lives WE choose and people WE choose to be with.

That’s where the anxiety and depression become an issue. There is so much cognitive dissonance that it usually requires professional help from a licensed counselor in order to sort it all out. It is, unfortunately, a necessity for most, because we have no sense of ourselves outside the complete dominance of the cult in every part of our minds and bodies. Our personal human development was detoured by a destructive religious cult, but by the strength of will and reason, WE now get to determine who and what we are according to OUR standards, beliefs, and desires. This takes time and a bunch of getting used to, but the end of adaptation is FREEDOM, liberty, and confidence that you can do it again as often as necessary.

As you can see, I too can ramble! LOL. But more importantly, I want to strongly encourage you to keep on going! YOU ARE on the right path for YOU. We’ve all been at multiple crossroads in our lives, and we are here to help, to listen, to encourage, to inspire, and to hug whenever you need help along your journey to self-actualization. A cool glass of water and a cold, juicy peach on a hot day, passed on to a fellow traveller with love, unspoken understanding, and a joyful smile to help you hang in there baby!! That’s the GSC.

As you said, by the grace of God, you have a full life! A loving partner, 2 lovely babies, a good career doing something YOU love because YOU love it and trained for it. YOU did all that! YOU! And YOU will conquer the current difficulties with the help of others also traveling the freedom road to self-identification and rewarding fulfillment......you’ll see REAL fruit of the spirit in your life and you will be happy and at peace. Don’t you dare quit! We love YOU because of who and what YOU are. You belong. You are free to be you. Just do it! We’ll help in any way we can. Peace.

DWBH, :love3:

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DWBH, what can I say? Thank you SO much for the love and your comments. I can’t quite find the words to tell you all how much I appreciate being welcome here.

To answer a couple comments - I have 4 therapists and am on a battery of meds. I’ve been doing this latest round of hard work with said therapists for a year and a half. I think what has discouraged me is how deep the injuries go into my subconscious mind. But I am and will continue working. Being ME here is a big step I’ve wanted to take for years.

Thanks again for the comfort <3

 

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11 hours ago, BecomingMe said:

Hey, all. It’s been awhile since I’ve stepped into the diner. I’m outing myself today because it’s too painful to keep my silence anymore, and I’m struggling right now.

My name is Leah - I’m LCM’s oldest child. I don’t know what to do next...I feel like I need to speak, but I don’t know what to say. I’m just so tired of hurting.

Penworthy, it’s lovely to “see” you here. I so appreciate your compassion...

Oh Leah, I am so happy you are here. You know I love you and am here whenever you want to talk! I had no idea that you were BecomingMe. Wow! You are cared about here in ways you'll never fully know!

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2 hours ago, BecomingMe said:

DWBH, what can I say? Thank you SO much for the love and your comments. I can’t quite find the words to tell you all how much I appreciate being welcome here.

To answer a couple comments - I have 4 therapists and am on a battery of meds. I’ve been doing this latest round of hard work with said therapists for a year and a half. I think what has discouraged me is how deep the injuries go into my subconscious mind. But I am and will continue working. Being ME here is a big step I’ve wanted to take for years.

Thanks again for the comfort <3

 

You can do it. We "hold the space" for you, as they say. When I say that, I imagine our arms around you, shielding you, providing good energy for you to stand on your own. As DWBH said, YOU have made this progress. YOU are a beautiful human being. 

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I can only imagine the courage it takes to come forward. Welcome, Leah.

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1 minute ago, Raf said:

I can only imagine the courage it takes to come forward. Welcome, Leah.

Raf, I agree!!  Leah has perhaps more courage than most of us; she certainly has more than me!!  

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1 hour ago, Raf said:

I can only imagine the courage it takes to come forward. Welcome, Leah.

Me, too.

Let us know how you want to be addressed (like "Leah", or "Becoming",  or "BeMe",  or "Snoogy-Woogy Wips" or whatever.  (Probably not that last one....)    You might have a lot of questions which we might be able to answer. (Or you may not, which is fine.)  If we can answer, we will.    If you just need to vent with people who get it, well, this would be the place to vent.   If there's anything else, well, we'll give it a shot.   And we also play games if you just want to play,- see the Music/Movies/Books/Art forum.     Stay as long as you need to, or want to. 

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Welcome Leah. Your posts here are inspiring, courageous, and commendable. Thank you for being here and for baring your feelings. 

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A warm and open-hearted welcome to you, Leah!  Your strength and bravery are so clear in your sharing here.  Your honesty and openness touched me, and I hope that this site will be one more contributing factor that adds healing and loving support to your life. 

When I first "wandered into the Café," I did as you did -- lurked for a couple of years and then I joined as a member.  There are some very wise folks here (each of whom have contributed to this thread!) and I'm thankful for all of them and what they've added to my own healing and emotional growth and self-awareness.  This little poster might as well say "Welcome to Grease Spot Café" (instead of "Welcome to Life") because I know you will find all of those things here. 

So glad you're here.  Again, welcome!

 

Philosophy - People will let you down, but many will lift you up.JPG

Edited by Lanikaigal
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10 hours ago, BecomingMe said:

DWBH, what can I say? Thank you SO much for the love and your comments. I can’t quite find the words to tell you all how much I appreciate being welcome here.

To answer a couple comments - I have 4 therapists and am on a battery of meds. I’ve been doing this latest round of hard work with said therapists for a year and a half. I think what has discouraged me is how deep the injuries go into my subconscious mind. But I am and will continue working. Being ME here is a big step I’ve wanted to take for years.

Thanks again for the comfort <3

 

Me, Welcome!!  I am so happy that you are getting help for your promlems!!  For me, admitting that I needed help was a giant step.  I also see a therapist, who mointers my medications. Some days are great; some days aren't.  But nowdays, I know I have choices; I don't have to pretend to be someone I'm not.  What a relief!!  

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